Rewriting my Future
by CherrySlushLover
Summary: Adrian has always thought himself to be slightly crazy, but when he begins to have dreams of a golden girl he has never met, he wonders if he's at his breaking point. When fate brings her to him, he is apprehensive, worried he'll fall in love with her even more than he already is. But Sydney has a secret capable of killing everything, even them. Can love be their saviour? AH.
1. Prologue- Adrian

**A/N: This story is the rewritten version of Rewriting My Future. For those of you that haven't read that, count yourselves lucky as this will be a completely new adventure! And for those of you who have, reading the rewritten chapters is what you'll have to do to understand later chapters. I have changed a lot of the main plot line as there is no Bloodlines novel... you'll see how in this chapter probably if you're clever and Sherlock-like! XD**

**If you didn't give it a chance before, I hope you decide to do so now as I think it is a LOT better than it was before :D**

**Thank you for reading and please enjoy!**

**Zoe and Jill are Sydney's younger twin sisters.**

**Thank you to KyKat for reading through this and correcting it; your views are invaluable! :)**

**_Prologue_  
**

**Adrian's POV**

"Get it away from me! Please!" The tendrils inched closer to me, snaking around my wrists as it pulled me closer to the pitless abyss. My screams were lost in the jeering all round me and I sunk to the ground, defeated. I could never fight it so why was I even trying? I would never be good enough for any of them. I felt their grip on me loosening and looked up astonished to see that they were disappearing one by one. An angel walked through the pathway that had been created and I blinked rapidly, afraid this was just another one of the ghosts of my pasts that my brain had conjured up. But that was impossible. The body that bent towards my own was that of a strangers, yet she was completely familiar. Her name lay on the tip of my tongue and I voiced it, tasting it out.

"Sage?" I breathed.

Sage? What a strange name. I shut down, knowing for certain none of this was true but I was unable to shake myself from the hope that was still alight within me. I suppressed a sigh as she pushed my hair away from my face, her breath tickling my cheeks. "Are you okay?" she whispered.

I wanted to reassure her I was fine, not wanting to see the worry that would inevitably cloud her eyes at the thought of me hurt, but how could I lie to her? I knew that was just as impossible as the former.

"Not really, but I will be."

My hand snaked out to capture hers and I marveled at the way it fit perfectly against mine.

The expectation in her amber eyes was almost too much to bear when I knew what she had just missed out on witnessing; she looked at me like I was her entire world when in reality, I was just a broken man.

"Adrian? Adrian!" Someone was calling for me but Sage's lips hadn't moved once. Her forehead furrowing, she looked around and I joined her, but no company revealed themselves to us. We were completely alone but someone was watching. The uneasiness and self-doubt returned again but she waved off the darkness with one flick of her dainty wrist, looking patiently back at me whilst I gawped, awestruck.

"I think you're going now. Be strong, Adrian." Her figure turned hazy, almost completely disappearing at the edges and I reached for her, but smoke was all that simmered through my fingertips, the beauty having disappeared.

In her place stood Rose, shaking me. I gasped, sitting upright as I took in my surroundings. My bare room was covered with various belongings of Rose, and I was in bed, my duvet tangled around my ankles. It had been a dream. I let my head fall back against the headrest, exhaling. Never before had I wished so hard for a dream to be reality, but here with my girlfriend, thinking back to the dream girl seemed like cheating. Forcing my brain to forget all about her, I turned to Rose.

"Morning, beautiful." I had always thought Rose as the most beautiful being I had ever seen and now the words tasted like a lie on my tongue. Because in spite of Sage's conservative clothing in the dream, she had shined brighter than even Rose. I had never felt the urge to return to sleep so badly; normally I was begging to be set free from the nightmares that had plagued me since I was a little boy.

"Ivashkov. You're going to be late. You can't depend on me to get you up every day!"

Actually, I wanted to correct her, I am awake for hours before you. Going late to college is my own personal choice. But that was just going to open a whole other can of worms as the saying goes, so I kept my mouth zipped. Pushing my sheets off, I scrambled towards the bathroom, stripping off my slight bit of clothing and letting the water pound against my clammy back. My skin turned red as the temperature of the water increased but I used it to get my thoughts back under control- or as in control as they usually were.

"Adrian, you take longer in there than a girl. You don't look that bad," came Rose's voice yet again from the other side of the door.

"I'm coming! Don't you want me to look my best for you?" We both knew that was a lie: even with my excellent looks, I would never be as handsome to her as Dimitri (her ex) was. It was only after he had disappeared that she had actually given me a chance and I was enough of a dreamer to hope she was finally coming round to the idea of me and her being together. I got ready fairly quickly as opposed to usual, yet I still managed to look good excluding the slightly dark circles beneath my eyes. They were never going to go so I didn't even try.

"Finally! If you go now you might actually be punctual for once," she sighed once I exited.

"Whatever. I seem to remember you weren't ever the good girl either."

"And that's what you love about me," she smirked.

"Of course!" I leaned towards her, but she turned at the last moment, my lips connecting with her cheek instead. The usual stab of rejection flowed through me but for once, it didn't get me as down as usual. Screaming a farewell behind me, I walked out, only pausing to collect my phone from the sofa.

I was met outside by the usual sight of busy roads and unsmiling people whose lives were clearly too busy to smile. Plastering my own on and slipping on Ray-Bans to cover my eyes, I made my way to the college, intentionally slow. I made it there only fifteen minutes late.

I slipped into my usual seat beside Rowena, a girl I had come to know quite well and who took none of my crap. Not that I gave her any ever since I became Rose's boyfriend.

"An hour early? I'm proud of you," she whispered whilst assignments were handed out.

"Well, I knew I couldn't deprive the world of my brilliance for too long. Who knows what might happen?" I joked back, stretching my legs out in front of me, relaxing.

"Are you all right?" She frowned and for a moment, the expression of concern was so similar to the one Sage had had on that I stiffened, my breathing haggard. Was this how it was going to be now? My living and sleeping eyes plagued by images of a girl who wasn't even real? Was I that starved of human affection that my mind had to conjure up an imaginary person just to keep me sane?

"I'm fine," I muttered, immediately feeling glad that my lying skills hadn't been affected as her face became tranquil once more.

"Mr Ivashkov. Since you have passed this assignment of a self-portrait by merely a paintbrush, I am setting you another task to re-evaluate your undeniable skills. I assume it was just difficult for you to analyze something you've never really seen except in a mirror," the art teacher said, handing me another blank canvas. "I want it by next week. It has to be an exploration of how colour can reflect mood and I want to be able to reflect your mood by your choices of colour. I know there's no real need for me to say this, but be creative, Adrian. Surprise me!"

I wasn't kidding when I said I loved this woman. And it wasn't only because she continuously praised me. She also pushed me into trying to achieve more and made me believe that I was more than the slacker everyone was convinced I was. Placing the canvas on the easel, I stared at it, everything else disappearing. No Rowena, no Miss Spark, and no restrictions or expectations. I dabbed paint on the brush without even noticing the Cadmium Gold because that was sure to have given me a clue. It flew over the paper, only pausing to reapply different paints and time disappeared like it usually did. I started when a hand touched my shoulder and I flicked around, to meet the stare of Miss Spark.

"Home time, Adrian."

I looked around, startled to see that we were alone. Returning my gaze to my canvas, I repressed a gasp, but only slightly. Because what I had drawn, what I had unknowingly drawn, was the exact shade of Sage's eyes. Molten golds, ambers, and browns, melded together to create the exact shade and I wondered how I had managed it when I had only seen her once. Not that it was that big of a mystery. Even when I was painting, she had been there in the depths of my mind, always with me. It sounded invasive, but really, I just felt less alone.

Maybe I was just a sucker for torturing myself, but when I returned home, I went straight to my study, bringing out yet more canvases and paints.

Rose wouldn't be back today, having decided to spend some time with her father, Abe Mazur a.k.a. Zmey. And yes, he actually was a snake. He had a lot of hands in a lot of different black-market pots and also used his manipulative skills to get himself far. It was from him that Rose had been introduced to Dimitri, one of Abe's best officers. Yet another reason for me to dislike him and not to mention the fact that he had threatened me that he would cut out my eyeballs if I ever decided to hurt his daughter. That had almost ended my desire to be with Rose.

With all the thoughts on Abe, it was a surprise I hadn't drawn an exact copy of him. Maybe that would have been better than what I had actually done. It was yet another drawing that consisted almost entirely of golds, but this had a softer touch to it, and without even guessing, I knew it was her hair.

The pattern continued for all fifteen of the paintings I did and despite my growing frustration, I had never felt happier. Maybe the light colours did help with my mood. Looking back at them, I contemplated getting rid of them before Rose returned, but it was unbearable to think of removing them. Even these slight connections to the strange presence of the girl were better than nothing.

And with that thought in mind, I fell back onto my covers, not even thinking of attending the party a few blocks down. What I hadn't managed to do in fourteen years had finally happened; I had fallen asleep as soon as my head hit the pillows and my dreams were pleasant.

Mostly because there was an angel keeping away the darkness.

**So that's the prologue! I hope you all enjoyed Adrian's POV! ;D**

**And to all my old readers, I hope you understand why I felt the need to post it as a new story and I hope you support this one just as much as the old version. I am immensely sorry for the loss of the Reading Chapters but it is an infringement of copyright so keeping it as it was was a direct violation of the rules of fanfiction.**

**I think I prefer this version though and look forward to many more Adrian's POV! Theories are brilliant to read and I'm sure a lot of you will guess where this is going :D**

**Feedback is appreciated,**

**Thank you!**

**CherrySlushLover**

**xxx**


	2. Fateful Ignorance- Sydney

**This chapter is dedicated to Gg for being an amazing fan of all my works; I hope you continue to enjoy this story!**

**Another thank you to KyKat who also beta-ed this chapter; I feel ashamed of my errors and I am grateful that you prevented my public humiliation ;P**

**Disclaimer: Richelle Mead would definitely set Strigoi on me if I attempted to take ownership of VA or Bloodlines... so I don't intend to. **

**_Two weeks later_**

**Sydney's POV**

I waited impatiently for Jill and Zoe's return, trying to distract myself with homework and coffee. It always worked, but today was an exception. I had no idea why I was so worried, but it was like I just knew something bad was going to happen. The worst thing was definitely the fact that neither was answering their phone. Were they avoiding me, and if they were, what was the reason? They tended to get ahead of themselves and forget the time, but normally rang me after three hours and I hadn't minded. It had been nearly seven since I had last seen either of them, and even though they had done this a few times before, the anxious feeling didn't leave, but lingered until I was sorely tempted to just leave and look for them.

"Okay Sydney, you're acting like their mum now. Calm down. They're fine," I muttered to myself. But since mum and dad were out of the country and they had left me in charge, I was their guardian. I wanted to leave and look for them myself, but I knew there was no point in doing that. If they returned whilst I was absent, it would just turn into a mad game of cat-and-mouse, and I wanted to avoid that at all costs.

So instead, I settled for staring at my phone's screen and the door alternately.

When the door burst open, I stood immediately. Jill entered first, followed by a ridiculously handsome man. He froze upon seeing me, his eyes widening in recognition even though I was beyond certain our paths had never crossed before.

I returned his stare wordlessly until he said, "Are you going to just stand there gaping at me trying to understand my sheer brilliance? Because there's no point- it'll take too long."

I rolled my eyes. Everything about him screamed arrogance, from the way he was standing to the small smirk playing on his lips. I was pretty sure he had started the staring contest but I was too relieved upon seeing them to bring it up. I wasn't even going to honour that statement with a reply.

I waited for Zoe to walk in behind them but she didn't enter. Where was she? Adrian shut the door behind him, but Zoe still wasn't here. My confusion and dread increased and I turned immediately to Jill.

"Are you alright?" I said, startled by her pale complexion. She was usually pale, but at the moment, she almost looked like she was… in shock.

I guided her to the sofa with a hand on her back and she sunk back into the cushions, using one to cover her face with. I whispered- with my back to the stranger in my house, "What happened, Jill? What did he do to you?"

Jill hiccupped and laughed. "Adrian?"

So that's what his name was. I threw a dark look at him over my shoulder, which just made his grin widen. He seemed very pleased with himself for unknown reasons and I frowned, determined to ignore him until I knew more.

"He saved my life, Sydney," she said quietly. "But Zoe didn't survive."

My arms tightened protectively around her, but I didn't say anything. My mind failed to register what she had said, forcing me to believe that I had misheard her: I convinced myself that I needed to have details first- then I could deal with the extent of the problem. I needed to know what he had saved her from, and I hadn't really caught the last part. I had just heard Zoe's name. Had they had a falling out? They were twins and had always been extremely close- each other's best friends. There had been times when I had been slightly envious of their bond; I had always seemed to be the odd one out. If they had had an argument, it was a big deal. But it was nothing that couldn't be sorted out, as long as she came home.

Jill started shaking violently, her body heaving with the severity of her sobs. I looked over at Adrian, who seemed just as puzzled as I was.

"Adrian saved me! Why didn't he save Zoe instead? She deserved to live more than me!" Her voice was loud and broke on every two syllables, imitating the beating of my heart.

My breath was coming too quickly and I tried desperately to calm down.

_Gasp, gasp, gasp._

_It isn't what I think it is_, I tried to convince the premonition from earlier was all the convincing I needed to know that what Jill was said was riddled with truth.

"Zoe? Who's Zoe?" Adrian said urgently.

"My sister, my friend, my…"

Adrian sat next to me and said quickly, ""Jill, was there someone else in that car? I need to know! Did I kill someone? Am I a murderer?"

His voice was worried and frantic. I couldn't seem to get a grasp on what was happening. It was as though life was carrying on around me, whilst I stayed frozen.

"She was in the taxi with me… we were going to Waida's party." She suddenly looked up, her face streaked with tears and blotchy. "Where is she? Where is she?"

"She's in the hospital probably, waiting for us to go down." I nodded, trying to convince myself more than her. "We'll go there now."

I concentrated on the facts, knowing I needed to be strong. They couldn't afford for me to break down and it was essential I put their needs first.

We ran to Latte, Adrian trailing behind us. No one spoke on the journey, or when we reached the hospital. It was as though Zoe's disappearance had caused the removal of any importance to trivial matters.

The nurse at reception quickly led me into the emergency room. "Is this who you're looking for? She was involved in an accident, but we don't know who her family is."

I ran over to the bed and brushed Zoe's hair out of her face with trembling fingers. Her entire body was covered in various tubes and doctors rushed around, trying to sort everything out. She was almost a stranger there, wearing borrowed clothes, her usually perfect hair matted and dirty. Just by looking at her unkempt state, I knew even before the doctor told me that there was no hope. They wouldn't have let us in to her room otherwise.

"She's got only a few minutes left," he said gently. "I'm so sorry."

I still couldn't cry; I just felt numb. Her eyelids flickered and I slipped my hand into hers, Jill holding her other hand. Adrian looked on, his eyes just staring blankly at Zoe's mangled body. He hadn't known Zoe was inside and it was killing him to see her in this state.

"I should've gone, not you, Zoe. You have so much more to give to everyone," Jill sobbed quietly.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," I whispered hoarsely. Her breath coating her mask in wisps of steam. She was weak and I knew we had only a matter of seconds to say a lifetime worth of memories.

"But you're here now," she whispered. "I love you."

Zoe, Jill, and I were all holding hands when she passed, a final promise of love to each other. She had slipped away like everyone else, just another death in a long list of them here. She seemed inconsequential to the higher order in the too-large bed, and I looked at her, my little sister gone before me when I had never expected to see anyone go before me.

A doctor closed her eyes, and we all watched her heart flat line. She announced, "Time of death, six twenty four."

We were told to wait in the room adjoining Zoe's whilst they sorted a few things out, and I tried desperately not to think about what things. Images of Zoe's limp body floated through my mind and yet a single tear did not fall from my eyes. Adrian sat a little to the side, leaving us to grieve alone, even though it was clear he too was upset. He was the reason Jill was still here with me, and not inside with Zoe. Jill pulled him to the chair next to her and placed her hand in his, clinging to him like she was afraid she would fade away if she had nothing to anchor her down. Adrian looked utterly shocked at that display, but relaxed after a while. His eyes were filled with unshed tears and I knew he was holding them back, whereas I couldn't seem to shed a single one. How was it that he could release tears over a girl he had never met when I was still stuck on past events?

I couldn't imagine a future without Zoe and Jill by my side, without them laughing around the house, throwing my homework to each other, teasing me. Celebrating their birthday and making sure they both had presents they would be happy with. Zoe would never have another birthday, would never laugh again, would and would never get to eat her favourite chocolate-glazed doughnuts. I had always shuddered at the thought of all those calories and had been mocked mercilessly about it by her. She had sneaked them into my school bag, my bedroom and even in one of my homework books I had had to buy a new one because of all the chocolate smeared all over it and had even scolded her, but I never regretted a single moment, because _she had still been with us._

"Mum," Jill said. I froze. She had no idea what had happened. "She doesn't know. I can't tell her, Sydney, I can't," she croaked.

I searched my pockets frantically at her words, trying to find my phone stopping when I recalled leaving it on the sofa.

Adrian was already holding out his phone to me and I took it gratefully, dialing the number automatically. I wished this was one of the few times she had remembered to take it with her because I was sure I wouldn't be able to hold it together for much longer. Mercifully, she answered straight away.

"Hello, Mrs. Sage speaking."

I pulled it away from my ear, it was on loudspeaker. " Mum, it's Sydney. I, Zoe…"

"What's happened?" she said hastily. I could feel her concern and I hated to be the one to tell her. But I had too. Jill was unable to form a coherent sentence and mum would never believe Adrian.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and started. "Mum, Zoe… had a car accident. And she's… she's been declared as- gone."

Mum grew silent and I could hear her suddenly rapid breathing. She sobbed loudly, uncontrollably.

And the tears that hadn't come earlier came pouring profusely down, unable to be held back any longer.

"I'm coming, my babies. I'm coming." She hung up, and I turned my face away from Jill's, not wanting her to see me like this. She needed support, not me.

Adrian looked at me and hesitated, "Wait, your name's Sydney… Sydney Sage."

"Yes, how did you know?" It really didn't seem appropriate to be discussing ourselves after everything that had happened, but my curiosity had gotten the better of me.

He shook his head after a moment, his jaw clenching before he looked away, indecisive about something. I waited, not really bothered if he kept me in the dark. And he did. It was only later that I realised how my ignorance had saved my life.

**Yay, Zoe is dead which I'm sure a lot of you are happy about after TFH!**

**Leave your thoughts!**

**Thank you,**

**CherrySlushLover**

**xxx**


	3. Impasse- Adrian

**This chapter is dedicated to AdrianFan4Life for being such an awesome fan of all my stories, and always reviewing! Thank you to all the old readers and the new ones I've attracted: enjoy!**

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_**I have been trying to update this for a week! But every time I tried to upload the chapter into my Doc Manager, it gave me this message:**_

_**Processing Error**_

_**We are unfortunately unable to convert your document. This could be an internal error or a problem with your file. Please try again.**_

_**If you continue to receive this error, please email your file to site support for further assistance.**_

_**Is this happening to anyone else? KyKat, believe me when I say I've been trying to update this! From all my stories, this is my favourite to write even though it seems the least popular, so thabk you for loving it just as much as I do!**_

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**Disclaimer: I only own the plot!**

**Adrian's POV**

Maybe I was being stupid, but going to a simple dinner was more nerve-wracking than I had thought it would be. Dark circles ruined the look I had been going for, but I covered them up with my Ray-Bans, gulping when my thoughts returned once more to the older Sage sister. How was I supposed to explain to the sister of the girl I had murdered that she had been appearing in my dreams weeks before I had even met her?

I turned my attention to the mirror once again, mouthing a wordless curse for my lack of knowledge for these kind of things. My reflection stared seriously back at me, my forehead wrinkled in worry, and I sighed in frustration. Acting calm and unworried came naturally to me, but what was the etiquette when visiting the house of the girl I had killed?

I itched to have a drink before I went to calm my nerves, but I resisted, knowing it wouldn't go down well. Who had guessed I would finally stop drinking when I was feeling guilty? The urge to sink into oblivion like usual was tempting, but as soon as my shaking fingers touched the cold bottle, I recoiled. And surprisingly, it wasn't the image of Rose that had stopped me. No, in fact I had imagined Sydney Sage.

Rose.

Her mere name caused pain to shoot through me, but it wasn't the usual heartbreak I associated with her. The fact that she was still in love with Dimitri was common knowledge, and whilst it had hurt me a lot in the first few months, the knife that pressed into me now was nothing to do with that. It was guilt that I had screamed out Sydney's name when I was with her several times now, and now she knew my Sage was now a living, breathing person, she hadn't taken too kindly about my nighttime dreams of her. I had tried to explain that my subconscious thoughts weren't controlled by me, but she had disagreed, saying it was a sign I was cheating on her.

I brushed my fists against my eyes, growling in anger- not towards Rose, but myself.

Jill had just lost her sister and was going through hell, and yet she had tried to be cheerful for my sake. The least I could do was put my own problems aside fr her sake and be there for her like she had for me. It was Jill who had constantly tried to convince me Zoe's death wasn't my fault, and it was Jill who had invited me to have dinner with them today. I knew she felt like she was incomplete without her twin by her side, and that had been the only reason I had accepted. Sydney had nothing to do with it. If it was my choice, I would be running in the opposite direction to her. Sydney didn't seem to want to see me either, and whilst I should've been feeling relieved, I couldn't help be disappointed.

Thinking of Jill just brought back the accident, and I clenched my eyes shut, trying desperately to block out the images playing like a sick movie behind my eyelids now.

_Maybe I was being a sore loser, but the credit card in my back pocket, courtesy of my filthy-rich father, had me thinking otherwise. If he wanted me to keep his dirty secrets, then he had to pay. I laughed at the thought of his guilty expression, blowing out a ring of smoke upwards. The nicotine had me calming down immediately, and I sighed in relief. Last night had been eventful to say the least, but Rose leaving hadn't upsetted me as much as I thought it would have. It just meant I had less to hide from her about my dreams. Having your boyfriend screaming out another girl's name whilst he was sleeping mustn't have been a pleasant experience, but the way she had dealt with it was a bit on the extravagant side. I had promised I had never met a girl called Sage before- I mean, I was sure I would've remembered someone that beautiful, but she had refused to let it go. And now she was gone._

_Rose ha been edgy around me for months now, and I think last night had just triggered something within her. Promising myself I would find out what was bothering her, I exited the clothing store, slipping my new purchases into one hand whilst I searched my pocket for my car keys with the other. _

_The appalling sound of tires screeching on tarmac and screams of pedestrians caught my attention, and I followed the crowd, desperate to find the noise of the commotion. My senses were on high alert, a strange sense of foreboding gripping me as I pushed to the front. My bags had been dropped somewhere on the way here, but they were the last thoughts on my mind as I saw the damage. _

_A taxi had skidded to a halt onto the wrong side of the road, the telltale tracks hinting at the cause of its forced change of route. It seemed like something had caused the driver to intentionally change route, but what that was couldn't be seen from here. _

_''I don't think the driver could've survived that. It probably hit him with full force. The girl probably didn't survive either," I heard a woman saying and shaking her head with sympathy, and a chill ran down my spine. There was someone else in the car, someone who still had a chance-no matter how small it was- that she was still alive._

_I wanted to yell to the people around me to do something, or to call for help even though I was sure help was on the way. The urge to do something other than stand here was overwhelming, but I hesitated before taking a step forward._

_And then I did. I pushed my way through the crowd, ignoring the annoyed or surprised exclaims, and then I ran towards the taxi without thinking once of the repercussions of my actions. All I wanted was to make sure the girl trapped inside the burning car had at least one chance to survive, which no one else seemed to care about. This was just the new piece of gossip for them, and resentment towards them bubbled up inside until it was tangible. _

_My fury pushed me further and __I finally broke the window of the car's backseat with my elbow after several attempts. The girl inside was still alive, weakly slamming her fists against the car door and struggling to breathe in the smoke that wrapped around us. I pulled her out, struggling to keep us upright when every inhalation had me begging to be released. _

If I had been paying more attention to the girl in front of me, maybe I would have seen her silently begging me to let her go and rescue her twin sister. Maybe I could have stopped her losing the part of her existence that mattered the most to her.

_Instead, I wrapped a strong arm around the green-eyed girl's waist and pulled her out of the car's window, limping back to safety with her little body limp in my arms. The adrenaline had worn off long ago, but I couldn't give up. She was gasping, forcing herself to inhale more clean air, and except for some bruises and small cuts on her hands and face from the broken glass, she was relatively unharmed. She looked at me, her eyes bright and brimming with tears, and when she relaxed gratefully against my chest, seeking for some kind of solitude and reassurance that she was safe, I held her, knowing that if I was faced with the same situation again, this would be my choice every time. Everyone deserved to be saved. _

_''Thank you," she coughed, her eyes watering._

_"What's your name?" I asked gently. I resisted the urge to ask her if she was alright, knowing somehow, that that wasn't her first concern now._

If I had only known who she was worried about, I could have done something.

_"Jill. My sister, Zoe...'' she said, and I let her cling onto me as much as she liked as I walked her home._

_"I'll get you home, don't worry. Your sister will be there."_

_"She will? Thank you."_

_A warmth blossomed within me as a result of her simple words of gratitude, and the knowledge that I was the reason she was here was too much to believe. My thoughts briefly switched to Sage, and connected the slight visual similarities between her and this girl in my arms- Jill. I walked away with her, the thought of taking her to hospital not even registering. Our main priority was getting back to her sister. _

My hands unconsciously clenched into fists and not for the first time in the past week, I wanted to punch the mirror in front of me, to shatter the image I had spent years building. I didn't want to be reminded of my failures, to know I was the reason an entire family had been broken. This was not going to be easy, but I was determined that I would at least try before I accepted defeat.

I pushed the thousand memories that plagued me to the back of my mind, forcing myself to move out of the safety of my apartment. I couldn't hurt them anymore than I already had, and with that thought in mind, I pushed out, letting the rain wash away part of my unending dread.

I couldn't let Sydney know about my dreams; it would probably force her to get me institutionalised, and the thought of never seeing her or Jill again was enough to have me twisting in worry. I was at an impasse: I didn't want to see them and be faced with the guilt of what I had done, but the thought of never seeing Jill smile, seeing the face of my dream-angel in the flesh, was impossible.

**Hope you enjoyed it! :D Leave a review of your thoughts, and know that Sydney and Adrian's first 'proper' meeting will be next chapter! It can only get better between them, right XD Do you think it's believable so far?**

**CherrySlushLover**

**xxxx**


	4. Limbo- Sydney

**This chapter is dedicated to Reckless-R for your lovely review; I'm so glad you think so! I hope you enjoy this chapter...**

**This chapter is a little different and has both Sydney and Adrian's POV, so I hope you all enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Sydney's POV**

I twisted my hair into a bun and slowly walked downstairs. I had tried to cover my red eyes with a tiny bit of eyeliner and mascara, after Jill suggested it, but it just made it look so much more worse. I had been mortified that Jill had noticed I was crying, and I had to make sure that I was strong enough for both of us. Mum was flying over tonight and would be here tomorrow. Dad had said he had business to attend to. I had felt like screaming at him,

_"What business could be more important than attending your own daughter's funeral?"_

But he hadn't answered any of my calls.

I turned my concentration onto the vegetables that I was steaming; just because we were all in mourning, it didn't mean that everyone had to crazy eating. Jill was still upstairs and I didn't call her downstairs, knowing she would want to get herself together before Adrian arrived. So far, everything still seemed unrealistic, as though Zoe was going to walk through the door any second, claiming that we had fallen hard for her joke.

The doorbell rang and I turned off the cooker and washed my hands methodically before I answered the door to Adrian. He didn't say anything and neither did I. I just moved aside so he could walk in.

Jill came down in that moment and hugged Adrian as soon as she saw him. Adrian seemed slightly surprised, but returned the hug nonetheless. I noticed he was surprised whenever Jill hugged him or smiled at him. He looked immensely relieved though, with only a tiny bit of tension visible from the slight tightening of his green eyes.

He followed me into the dining room and took a place opposite me. Zoe sat beside me. No one said anything. Just as I was about to mention the weather to break the awful silence, Adrian spoke. "I'm sorry I didn't save her," he said quietly.

It was the first time either of us had mentioned the... accident since the hospital, and I could tell Adrian had been sleeping just as well of me, which meant he had probably been getting a couple of hours a night. I felt a surge of sympathy for him; his hair was ruffled slightly like he hadn't really put his heart into getting dressed properly. It was one thing for us to mourn: we were her family. But he had been dragged into this unwillingly, and he felt guilty that he hadn't saved Zoe. But it was because of him that I still had Jill next to me.

Afraid of losing my control over my emotions, I made my way to the kitchen and plated up the food. I grabbed a diet coke for myself and two cokes for Adrian and Jill.

When I returned to the dining room, they were in deep conversation. Jill looked like she was about to cry again and Adrian was patting her back. She wiped her eyes as soon as I walked in. I wished she felt a lot more open with me, but I knew that was next to impossible. I wasn't exactly the most 'open' person myself.

I placed them gently down on the table; Adrian raised his eyes at the meal but otherwise didn't comment. We ate in awkward silence; I say eat, what I really meant was pick at the food. The only interruption we had from the silence was Adrian's phone constantly going off. It wasn't exactly a welcome distraction. He excused himself the first four times to read it under the table, but the next fifty he just read, a slight frown on his face. He was getting slowly irritated, though I had no idea how I knew that.

When his phone buzzed again, my patience snapped. "Something important?"

He smirked slightly. "My girlfriends clearly can't do without me."

I raised my eyebrows at how he pluralised girlfriend and didn't bother replying. But as soon as he said it, the smirk dropped and he looked at his coke, as though he was wishing it were something stronger, like alcohol.

Appreciating his efforts to lighten the morbid atmosphere for Jill's sake, despite how he tried to do it, I said, "What are you studying in college?"

It wasn't the best start to a conversation, but it was the best I had.

For now.

"I'm doing art. The teacher saw me and just thought, 'Wow, this guy needs to appreciate how good he looks. He's like a piece of art.' And then she enrolled me in her class."

Jill smiled a little at that and Adrian grinned back, triumphant that he'd reached his aim. He was trying to make Jill feel a bit better.

I tapped my fingers against the table and moved the rice around my plate. There was a dangerous chance of us falling into awkward silence again. I needed to make an effort for Jill's sake. But Adrian did that for me.

"What's for dessert?" Adrian asked.

"Sydney doesn't eat dessert. She doesn't eat anything unhealthy." Jill smiled slowly.

"Well, I can get some for us if you have no exception, Jailbait."

Jill had a bit more life in her now and she nodded enthusiastically. "Can I come with you?"

She didn't even say anything about her ridiculous nickname. "Sure. We'll be back in a bit, Sage."

I stared at his back open-mouthed. The door shut behind them, the sound echoing in the empty house. I mutely cleared away the plates and sat quietly in the dark sitting room when I was done.

Jill was happier, and that was good, so why did I feel so rubbish?

I answered my own question.

It was because Adrian was the one making her happy, not me.

**Adrian's POV**

Jill fiddled with the necklace at her neck, a crystal heart pendant. She was frowning and looking out the window, her face scrunched up like she was trying hard not to cry.

"Did you and Zoe have the same necklace?" She obviously cherished it a lot.

She nodded but otherwise didn't say anything. "I don't blame you," s said quietly.

"It wasn't your fault," she continued. "You didn't even know and no one even tried to help us."

I stared at her wordlessly then regained my senses. She was so much like the Jill that had made an occurrence in my nightmare earlier today when I had fallen asleep at the wheel. But that obviously didn't mean anything. It was just a coincidence.

Wasn't it?

I climbed out the car and waited for Jill at the sidewalk. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and walked into the café. "What flavour gelato?"

I took care not to call her Jailbait again; that was what I had called her in my dream. And I had accidentally called Sydney, Sage too. As if on cue, Rose texted me again. I smiled slightly, remembering Sage's earlier reaction to her texts and my comment. God, what was wrong with me?

My fingers slipped over the cigarette packet in my pocket and I forced myself not to take one. I was dying for a drink too, but I wasn't going to do that to Jill or Sage, they didn't deserve this, and no matter how professional and unaffected Sage tried to act, I knew she was hurting.

"Two gelatos please, and a cherry slush. Do you want one?" I asked Jill cordially, trying to act like I wasn't staring at her and trying to figure out why she was now appearing in my dreams too. Sage could easily be explained: I had probably seen her around before, and I was a guy. It was normal for me to dream of cute girls. But Jill was now an anomaly. I ran a hand through my hair angrily- when had life become so complicated?

"No thanks; gelato's fine," Jill replied.

The waitress smiled coyly at me and popped the bubble gum in her mouth. "Anything else?" she said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"No thanks, Liz," I smiled, reading her name-tag.

"Just let me know if you do! Your order will be just two minutes, and I'll give it to you myself!"

"I don't think I'll change my mind," I said quickly, reading Jill's shocked face.

I paid and grabbed everything off the counter without a backwards glance. I couldn't remember the last time I had ignored a girl like that; I hadn't been with anyone since I started dating Rose. But I hadn't ever turned someone down so abruptly like that either.

The drive back to the house was quiet, apart from a few comments I had made to lighten Jill's mood.

When I said,"You're insulting me, Jill. No one has ever sat in my company with a face like that on them. They're just too amazed at my aura of brilliantness," she had smiled a bit, but it was immediately replaced by the haunted look she had been wearing for most of the journey.

"I keep thinking about what she would be doing if she was still here."

"What would she be doing?" Wasn' this what therapists did? Try to make the victim speak more about what they were thinking?

"She would probably be checking you out," Jill grinned.

I smirked at that and checked myself out in the rear view mirror for good measure. "I look pretty good, don't I, Zoe?"

Jill laughed. "She says you do, and don't you know it."

"I know," I said, deadpan. "I heard her. And of course I know it. I would be blind not to notice when I look in the mirror everyday."

"Several times everyday."

"Does it matter how many times?"

"Clearly, you need convincing constantly that you look good."

"No, it's not that," I said mock-seriously. "What's the point of being this gorgeous if you can't appreciate it?"

"The girl in the café certainly appreciated it." Zoe- I mean Jill- said lightly.

"I wonder if Sage appreciates it." As soon as I said it, I mentally rebuked myself.

_'What are you doing, Ivashkov? You can't say things like that, you're going out with Rose, for God's sake.'_

'I was only joking.' I argued back with my conscience.

"Are you hitting on my sister?" Jill joked lightly.

"No, I've got a girlfriend!"

"Oh," Jill said rather sadly.

I looked at her.

"Zoe said she thinks you would make a pretty good boyfriend."

I laughed at that and she joined in. Just as we were about to enter the house, she whispered, "Thank you, Adrian. Your foolishness actually made me remember Zoe when she was laughing with me. Not when she was all broken in that car…" she faded off.

She gulped, holding back her tears- for my sake. "Hey, crying doesn't make you weak."

"No, but Zoe would've shouted at me for being upset over her. She would tell me that I had to party hard, on her behalf too."

"That must be a lot of partying. Nothing I'm not willing to share in though! I'll have to take half that burden off you."

"Is that an excuse to party?"

"Sure is."

"You're silly, did you know that?" she said, scrutinising me.

"It's all part of the charm."

"The irresistible charm of Adrian Ivashkov, huh? I've seen it and it's definitely overrated."

"Not what my girlfriend says," I said, rather proudly. Despite Rose still being slightly in love with Dimitri, she was giving me a chance and I was sure she was falling for me too. She was that jealous about Sage that she had moved away for a while. That was a clear indication that I was getting somewhere. I quickly texted her to tell her I loved her and I wasn't going to betray her for Sydney because of that, and switched off my phone.

Jill raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Avoiding said girlfriend?"

She was observant. And was I avoiding Rose? Was it because Sage had got annoyed at her constant texts earlier? No, I told myself. It was because Zoe was dead, and Rose's small worries weren't that important compared to how Jill and Sage were feeling. I was the reason behind their sorrow, whatever they tried to convince me. I hadn't saved her, and I should have. If I had, she would've been here, saying all the comments that Jill had said on her behalf, herself.

And I would have never intruded on their lives.

But it hadn't happened that way, and however desperately I tried to change that fact, it wasn't going to work. Our lives were now connected, and there was nothing either of us could do about that.

Just like the way Sage pushed away the darkness that threatened to take me in my dreams. But that had no relevance whatsoever to Sydney and me.

That's what I tried to convince myself anyway.

I didn't visit Rose that night.

**I'm not too sure about this chapter. I tried to keep it as close to the original as possible, but I just didn't think it flowed all that well. And I think I prefer writing in Adrian's POV, because now whenever I write Sydney's POV, I find it strange!**

**Are my worries all in my head or do you understand where I'm coming from? Some feedback on the chapter would be good, and don't forget to tell me anything you think might help improve the chapter!**

**I'm going to Wales on holiday on Sunday, so I won't be able to update all next week, so to make up for that, you'll get another update this week! Look forward to it! :D**

**Thank you and much love,**

**CherrySlushLover**

**xxx**


	5. Pretend- Sydney

**Dedicated to Goode-Lover for her advice about ROse and Dimitri's past relationship! I've got it all in the next chapter, don't worry! XD**

**The early update I promised is here! **

**Sydney's POV**

I lay in my bed and fixed my gaze on the ceiling, not really sure what to do with myself. My homework was spread all over my usually neatly arranged desk, the blank sheet of paper for the essay I was due tomorrow mocking me from the place I had left it last night after having spent several hours just staring blankly at it. I wasn't even sure what topic the essay was.

The doorbell ringing pulled me out of my oblivion and at first it seemed as if the sound was coming from somewhere far away, only distantly reaching my ears. I jumped off my bed and walked down the stairs, feeling as if I was watching myself from the sidelines. I noted that I was dragging my feet, and for a moment I paused and contemplated whether I should try to stop.

My gaze wondered around the hall, and I felt slightly surprised when it stopped on a small mirror hanging from the wall. My eyes were swollen, my face was pale and somehow I looked thinner than usual, maybe as thin as Jill whom I always secretly envied for her ability to not gain a single pound no matter how much she ate. However, what scared me the most in my reflection was the emptyness of my eyes and the occasional ghost of pain visible on my face.

I felt like a mess, and now I had to admit that my appearance wasn't that good either. I wondered if other people could see how much I was hurting. I didn't like that idea. It made me feel vulnerable, and all I needed at the moment was to be strong for Jill' and my mother's sake.

I hastily ran a hand through my hair to straighten my unruly blond locks. The bell rang again and I was about to go and answer the door, when Jill ran past me, yelling loudly,

''I'll get it!''

Her reaction told me that Adrian was waiting at the door even before I heard him greeting my sister with the new nickname 'Jailbait' he had given her.

I stood on the stairs, leaning against the frame and just watched them. Jill led Adrian to the living room and they sat at the same couch, facing each other. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I had a clear view of Jill's face. She looked...happy. That was the only word that came to my mind. Her eyes were bright and the haunted look that resided in those green pools ever since Zoe's death was gone as it happened every time she was with Adrian. She even laughed at one of his jokes, and at that moment Jill looked as if she had never suffered the loss of her twin.

That was the effect Adrian had on my sister. He could comfort her and make her forget and lift some of the weight of pain and sadness her shoulders so that Jill wouldn't have to carry it all on her own. He could do all the things that I couldn't.

I was supposed to be the one consoling Jill, the one she could speak to, the one who could help her cope with what she was going. Realisation that Jill didn't need me anymore sunk in and I was surprised at the tingle of jealousy I felt towards Adrian.

I knew it wasn't his fault and that he was just trying to help Jill, maybe even repent for not being able to save Zoe, but that tugging feeling inside me grew so persistent that it clouded my judgement. He was doing my job, he was the one making Jill happy, and not me.

I left Jill and Adrian alone in the living room without even walking in to say hello. It was just that I wasn't sure I would be able to face them at the moment, at least not without breaking down, and after the realisation of Zoe's death dawned on me, I had vowed to myself that I would not let anyone see me weak and crying, not even Jill.

Especially not Jill.

I made my way towards the kitchen with a slightly unsteady pace, thinking that the turmoil of feelings that had been struggling inside me was so uncharacteristic of me. I was always the composed one, the strong and the responsible one, but over the last week, I didn't feel completely like my usual self.

The smell of meat, tomatoes and sauted onions hit me when I entered the kitchen, and I saw that mum was already preparing the meal. I was so used to cooking for Jill and Zoe when our parents weren't home, that I felt like I was rendered useless in yet another domain in such a short period of time. I always strove for control over my life, and for a moment I felt like everything I had been trying to maintain were slipping away from me.

My mother seemed to understand my train of thoughts, because she quickly turned off the stove and took off her cooking apron, heading towards me.

"Sydney, honey, its okay. I know you are hurt. You don't have to keep it inside you all the time,'' Mum said, squeezing me into one of the hugs I always loved as a child. And my mother always had a way to make me feel like a child again, like it was alright to cry and weep in her arms, knowing that she would be there to wipe my tears after that. I managed a small smile and she nodded in approval, walking towards the oven after she had given me a peck on the cheek.

"Everyone's been eating healthily whilst you were gone, and now you're ruining the diet I set in this house," I said, finding it easier to joke and laugh than mope. A few moments later, my mum laughed as well, tugging a few strands from the golden-blond hair we both shared, behind her ears as she went back to her cooking.

''I'm here now, so you'd better start eating normally again,'' she said lightly, but I didn't miss the concern that crept in her voice.

"Mum, really, I'm fine. I have an essay to finish and then I'll eat with you and Jill- your super fattening food," I said in an attempt to reassure her and lighten the mood.

I was about to leave when I half-turned again, asking tentatively, ''About Dad. When is he...?'' my voice trailed off, but my mother understood what I was trying to say.

''He said he won't be back until next month. I'm sorry,'' she whispered, and I nodded once, my face grim as I returned to my room, shutting the door behind me.

I didn't even bother with my essay. The moment I was alone, Icurled into a ball and let my emotions take over. Minutes had passed when a soft knock on my door brought me back to reality and I had to pick myself up and try to hide the embarrassing fact that I was crying as best as I could.

"May I come in?'' a voice asked, and it took me some time to realise that it was Adrian's. I gave up on my effort to hide my puffy, red eyes and my tear-stained cheeks, figuring that I could not fool him.

"It's open," I said, mildly irritated by the fact that my voice was hoarse from crying. So much for trying to be brave for Jill and my mum But what was the point in pretending that I wasn't affected by Zoe's death? The truth was that I was devastated, and I was tired of pretending that I wasn't.

He stepped into my room and I watched him take in my pathetic appearance. To his honour, he made a great job at hiding his surprise seeing me in this state by putting on a friendly smile as he walked towards me. The mattress sunk a little under his weight, and when I turned to look at him, I didn't see the pity that was evident in every other person who looked at me. Adrian's gaze held sympathy and understanding for what I was going through, and it was only then that I noticed how beautiful and emerald green his eyes were.

''Your mother told me to call you down for the meal. She was also kind enough to tell me that I could eat with you,'' Adrian started, and I hastily averted my gaze from his, having the vague impression that I was gaping at him for more time than it was appropriate, something that went completely against my composed character.

There was a playful glint in his eyes, and then he asked me in what I suspected was an effort to cheer me up and lighten the mood.

"Now, will you walk downstairs by yourself, or do you want me to carry you to the dinning-room in my arms?''

I jumped up and ushered him out of my room, telling him that I would be downstairs in a minute, but I couldn't help cracking a smile at his comment. Whatever Adrian was trying to do was working, because when I descended the stairs a few minutes later after having applied a discrete layer of make-up to conceal the black circles beneath my eyes, I was in a fairly better mood. I headed towards the dinning-room where Jill and Adrian were already seated, and she smiled brightly at me when she saw me.

''Hey, Sage," Adrian said casually when I slid on a chair next to Jill.

''What's with that nickname anyway?'' I asked, spearing a piece of meat with my fork. I didn't usually eat high-calorie food, but I didn't want to let down mum either, especially after having spent the last two months without her cooking.

"I don't know. It just comes automatically, the same way I call Jill 'Jailbait.'" He quickly averted his eyes and I swooped on it, wanting to know what he was hiding.

There was a weird sound underneath the table which I suspected was Jill kicking Adrian, because then he added, ''I guess I'll tell you when we don't have company."

I remained silent for a few moments, processing what Adrian was saying and at the same time trying my best not to look incredulous or roll my eyes.

'Is it really that bad that you can't say it now?'' I asked, laughing, and Adrian cast Jill a meaningful look before he said,

''Yes. I'll have to take you out."

I tried to ignore the suspicious glances between Jill and Adrian and decided that I should have a talk with my sister about getting too pally with him. He seemed to be hiding something, and whilst all contact between them hinted at the fact that she knew, I couldn't know for sure.

"Goodbye and thanks for the meal," Adrian said some time later, standing at our front door as he was about to leave. ''See you around, Jailbait, and tell your sister not to miss me too much,'' he said, causing Jill to giggle, then assuming an innocent look when I glared daggers at her.

''We'll have to organise a date for us to talk," Adrian told me, turning his full attention towards me, and there was a strange look on his face when he said it, as if he was trying to decide something crucial about me. The intensity of his gaze distracted me once again, and I looked away from him every time our eyes met, secretly thanking the Lord that I didn't blush easily.

If I was, I had a feeling that I would be scarlet right now. And judging from Adrian's expression, he knew it too.

I dreamt of him that night.

**Are they the same dreams Adrian's having of her? Or is it just because he was on her mind? Which do you think?**

**I'm going to Wales, so no updates for a week! My favourite chapter in this story so far is coming up next, and it's in ADRIAN'S POV *gasp* so look forward to it!**

**Leave a review :)**

**CherrySlushLover**

**xxx**


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